Ever felt like motherhood was thrust upon you unexpectedly and now you're struggling to navigate this new identity? That's the story of our guest today, Achie, a professional speaker and certified life coach who shifted from being the fun, childless aunt to embracing the warmth of motherhood. Join us as Achie shares her vibrant journey into motherhood and the profound learnings that life has tossed her way.
The conversation is enlightening as we confront generational beliefs and grapple with faith. As we traverse into this territory, Achie reveals her healing journey from religious constraints and how it shaped her stance as a mother. We also explore the liberating approach of letting our children comprehend spirituality without fear or oppression and the importance of independent exploration of religious texts and traditions.
In the final act of our journey with Achie, we revisit the realms of childhood joy and the art of self-advocacy. As we skim through our past experiences and ancestral beliefs, we discuss the significance of identifying and breaking free from limiting beliefs to exploit our inherent gifts. Achie impresses upon us the value of encouraging our children to break these cycles, arming them with the guidance and support they need to chase after their passions. So, get your Martini and join us for an hour of unfiltered, candid and uplifting conversation. Trust us, you wouldn't want to miss out on this!
Connect with Achie on Instagram
Connect with me on Instagram at Martini Mamas Podcast.
Are you on the list: Join our Mama Mojo Weekly newsletter for a dose of inspiration delivered straight to your inbox.
Sign up now for our exclusive Imposter to Unstopabble freebie and unlock powerful tools to conquer self-doubt, and boost your confidence >>Get it now<<
Ever felt like motherhood was thrust upon you unexpectedly and now you're struggling to navigate this new identity? That's the story of our guest today, Achie, a professional speaker and certified life coach who shifted from being the fun, childless aunt to embracing the warmth of motherhood. Join us as Achie shares her vibrant journey into motherhood and the profound learnings that life has tossed her way.
The conversation is enlightening as we confront generational beliefs and grapple with faith. As we traverse into this territory, Achie reveals her healing journey from religious constraints and how it shaped her stance as a mother. We also explore the liberating approach of letting our children comprehend spirituality without fear or oppression and the importance of independent exploration of religious texts and traditions.
In the final act of our journey with Achie, we revisit the realms of childhood joy and the art of self-advocacy. As we skim through our past experiences and ancestral beliefs, we discuss the significance of identifying and breaking free from limiting beliefs to exploit our inherent gifts. Achie impresses upon us the value of encouraging our children to break these cycles, arming them with the guidance and support they need to chase after their passions. So, get your Martini and join us for an hour of unfiltered, candid and uplifting conversation. Trust us, you wouldn't want to miss out on this!
Connect with Achie on Instagram
Connect with me on Instagram at Martini Mamas Podcast.
Are you on the list: Join our Mama Mojo Weekly newsletter for a dose of inspiration delivered straight to your inbox.
Sign up now for our exclusive Imposter to Unstopabble freebie and unlock powerful tools to conquer self-doubt, and boost your confidence >>Get it now<<
What's better than a regular happy hour? How about an ultimate happy hour for moms? Martini Mama's podcast is a weekly hangout for modern mamas to discuss mamma, hood, work-life balance, blended families and self-care. So whether you're looking for advice, community or a new bestie, you are in the right place. Cheers.
Speaker 2:Hey guys, welcome back to another amazing episode of Martini Mama's. I have another guest. I know I say all my guests are amazing because they are. I mean, I got the cream of the crop up in here, y'all. So today we have Aiki here. She's a life coach, transformative speaker, who's going to speak life in to us but, more importantly, we can talk about alignment and not the good part. So, but first let's get her own in here. Hey, girl, hey.
Speaker 3:Hey there, how are you?
Speaker 2:I am so good, I am so good. I want you to do the pleasure of introducing yourself to the audience. Just tell us a little bit about yourself and just bring us all into your world.
Speaker 3:Yes, so, like Rika said, my name is Aiki. I am a professional speaker, certified life coach, and I would say from the stage, I use storytelling to help companies and organizations personally develop their teams and also do trainings. And as far as life coaching, I specialize in limiting beliefs, in that it comes with everything from what we're talking about today alignment, tackling those beliefs that you have either accepted for yourself, the beliefs that you have created for yourself, things that pass down, that are keeping you stuck stationary or stagnant, and I help clients do that, and so that's an honor. Also a mom, so I definitely resonate with being here with Martini Mama, like I told you before we start out with several of your episodes and I'm like, oh my God, I resonate with all of this.
Speaker 3:My son is six and he was a beautiful surprise. We actually did not plan to have kids. Yeah, he was a beautiful surprise, and so I went from being the fun, free, childless aunt to mom. So there were some conversations that had to be had that weren't had prior to. There were some realizations that had to be had that weren't considered before. There was a lot of personal growth and development that had to take place and I just motherhood changed me through and through, through and through completely different person. So that's me personally and professionally, in a nutshell.
Speaker 2:Well, we're going to get back to a couple of those things that you said, but before we do that, let's do our mom quick vibe check. Are you ready? Ok, I'm ready. Ok, first question I think. Ok, they all say that, but it's fun, ok. First question If you were in trouble, who would you want defending you Olivia Pope or Annalise Keaton From how to Get Away with Murder?
Speaker 3:Oh see, y'all don't cancel me because I have not seen how to Get Away with Murder. Y'all don't cancel me and my cancel, because initially I'm like Olivia Pope Olivia Pope, what are you going to say? But I haven't seen how to Get Away with Murder. I'm not a huge teeny person. Y'all don't cancel me, huh.
Speaker 2:You can't cancel. Let's see what you're going to be saying with this next question. Ok, which friend group could we catch you in? Are you hanging with Martin or are you with the Living Single Group?
Speaker 3:Oh you talking about now? Oh, man, man, that's good. Oh, you're stumping me. You just got to be with. Can I be with some during the week and some of the weekend During? Oh my god, ok, so during the week, during the week, I'll be with Martin first. On the weekend.
Speaker 3:And yes, listen, I love a good laugh. I love messy laughter, I do, and I grew up in that kind of family. My dad was just a hoop, just a hot mess. Keep you laughing. Just fun drama, fun drama. But I love hanging with my girls. I love hanging with my girls, so I can't choose. I would say a little bit of both.
Speaker 2:OK, ok, well, see, that's it. You just had those two questions today, Is that it?
Speaker 3:I'm like what else? I'm not ready. I've got to go watch how to Get Away with Murder. Oh my god, I know it's good. I've heard it so good. I'm not a big TV watcher and I'm like, oh my god, another multi-season show that I will be trapped in. That will be amazing. It will take all of my time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but winter is coming. I will just say that winter is coming, you'll have time. So in your introduction you talked about not wanting to have kids and I had a previous guest on here say the same thing. Was that a are you married, can I?
Speaker 3:ask that. I am married and we are separated.
Speaker 2:OK. So first was that a conversation that both of you had, that hey, I don't want kids.
Speaker 3:Yes, so he had a son. I say had because unfortunately he passed away last year his elder son, but he had a son already at the time we got together. I want to say his son was maybe preteen. I'm thinking preteen. He was between 12 and 14 years old, I haven't done the math, but around the age and we I just actually I had always said I didn't want to get married or have children.
Speaker 3:I said I did not want to get married or have children and I ended up doing both. But in the beginning the conversation was, you know, we just both wanted to travel, which we did a lot of traveling, traveled the world, had a great time, and I just didn't Like I have a lot of nieces, have a couple of nephews, I have a lot of godchildren, I've always had mentees and like young people around me, young girls around me. I've worked with kids a lot. I had a nonprofit, like I just I've always been in that circle with like young people and I just didn't want my own, and so it was. It wasn't like a we are not ever having kids. It was kind of like that, do you want to have kids? Like not really. And it's like, yeah, I have a son. I'm kind of good on that and that's you know where.
Speaker 3:Where you know stay, and then, six years into the marriage, I honestly didn't think I can get pregnant Because I'm like I mean, I've never been pregnant before, I've never been pregnant before, I mean nothing was wrong with me, but I've never been pregnant before and we were together for six years, and so you know, when that time of the month didn't come, I'm like, yeah, this is just a little late, no big deal, it's not a big deal. And I took three pregnancy tests. Listen, I took the one from Dollar Tree, yes. Then I took like the Walgreens brand and then I took like I don't remember, you know like the high dollar brand.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, the one that's pregnant Like I just need to read it, I need to see it, like all of them.
Speaker 3:And then I went to the clinic and I was like so I did four attempts. I was like listen. I was like, do you want to do a pregnancy blood test? And they were like we do, but that's not what we start with. And I was like, okay, well, I want that one, though I want to. I'm like what do you start with, just curious. And they were like you're urine. And I was like like a regular pregnancy test, that she's, like, you know, pee on the strip. And they were like yeah, and I was like, well, I've already done three of those. And the lady looked at me. She said, ma'am, if those say that you're pregnant, you're pregnant, you're probably pregnant. You took three of them Like yeah, and I wasn't, you know, in full transparency. We also went in a very rough, you know a very rough spot at the time, but I remember crying and I looked at him and I was like what are we doing?
Speaker 3:And he was like we're going to raise the kid. That's what we're going to do. He was like you do know, we're married, right. And I was like we are, you're right, we're married. I'm like 24 and single Like we are. And I was like this is true, and we were married at that point.
Speaker 2:You did, I did. Your story is my exact story. I can't even add to it. The only thing was I was on the phone with my best friend and she was like girl, if you don't take your blood out of Dollar General and go to Walmart and buy a real pregnancy test, all to the gynecologist when I saw her, you go ahead and take this blood because I'm not pregnant at all. It's false positive.
Speaker 3:I don't know what you need to do.
Speaker 2:I just retired four months ago. I am not about to have nobody else. I already have three, I'm good. She was like I have my baby at 40. I was 39 at the time. She's like I have my baby at 40. I was like, girl, I have a baby at 40. Not me. She took that blood and I looked at you know how they have like only blood results. They have it like in levels.
Speaker 2:You can reach the blood levels. I'm reading the thing and it says the minimum. Say the minimum is like 250. You got to have minimum this much H-E-G, blah, blah, blah. My job is like 5,204. Girl, I was real, real pregnant. That was real pregnant.
Speaker 3:They actually let you take the blood test.
Speaker 2:You really couldn't decide I was like give me the blood test. She was like okay, I'll put your labs in, you can go right on down there, but what else I'm going to do is I'm going to go ahead and put your console in C-O-B, the big hospital. You can go ahead and get the next step. She said I already have the next step.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Wow, okay. So yes, you were a complete shot. And then you're like, okay, we're going to raise this baby, and so now some uncomfortable conversations have to be had.
Speaker 3:Yeah, definitely, because I mean, it wasn't expected at all. I remember going into my laundry room and I remember my back to the wall and I was just crying. I'm like what am I going to do? I just don't know if this is the best time to have a baby. What am I going to do? And I remember hearing spirits say trust me, just trust me. And when I look at my son now it's like, oh my God, the biggest ball of energy, source of joy. The minute he opens his eyes he is right out of bushy tail, like just good morning mommy, what are we doing? Like it's just, I mean, warms every single piece of my heart.
Speaker 3:But we did have to have a lot of sub-conversations, you know. And then I had a lot of internal conversations. I had to question a lot of things because I realized now I'm bringing a human to the world, so I'm going to be teaching this human thing. I'm going to be like I'm going to have a lineage now. So what beliefs am I passing down? And what beliefs were true for me 10 years ago or 20 years ago that are no longer true for me today? And being real enough to face not even real enough, being brave and courageous enough to look at every belief in my life and say does this hold true for me today? Is this something that I want my great-great-grandchildren living their life by? And if it's not deeply real and true for me because it could be true for them or not, if it's not deeply real and true for me, what is deeply real and true? Like what do I want to pass down?
Speaker 3:You know, our mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, our ancestors, they would just, you know, pass these things down and it's like nobody questioned why. And it's like that's how you were raised. You know that you're supposed to do it because that's how you was raised, that's how my mama taught me it, that's what my daddy taught me, that's what we did when we were younger and that's fine. A lot of those things have wisdom in it. But has anybody sat and said, or sat and said do these things hold true today? Does this serve me today with where I am, with my personal evolution, with my personal growth, with how I think and believe for myself individually and my family? Does that work with our family structure? And sometimes, a lot of times, it doesn't. And so I had to. Literally it's almost like I made a mental checklist of like deeply rooted things, like I don't want to teach him that.
Speaker 2:You know, I think we fail to realize also is so much in our blood and in our DNA. You know, there's some learned things that's passed down, but there's simply some things that's just in our DNA that we have to stop. After all is reading the book Kendrick and by Olivia Butler, and so, as he's reading this book, he's just talking to me through it. But in there there's a character. In there His name is Rufus and the main character ends up killing him. You know, but every time something was wrong with him she would travel back into the past, and past it was slavery, but it got to a point to. I was explaining to him that there was a visual representation of how we break generational curses. Right, I was always something trying to pull us back from the past when we're trying to get to our future. And if we don't stop it then, right, it'll keep pulling us and we'll never get to what God designed us. You know what I mean, what he destined, and so I think a lot of us.
Speaker 2:When we have kids, it is a healing space for mothers because we have to revisit everything. You know, as a child you felt neglected in this space, so we overcompensate in that area right and become the mom we wish we had, but also the I say be the mom that your kid needs. That's it, and I think that comes with a lot of self awareness on our part. But just really understanding and seeing our kids Right, what's something that was like really big, that you like. That doesn't hold true for me. Now I'm gonna have to change this.
Speaker 3:I had to. Okay, I'm going to say I've never shared this publicly. That's why I'm like kind of hesitant. But one thing well, a big thing I really had to examine my religious beliefs and I had to examine how I was going to teach him about God and the freedom of like leaving it loose when I mean loose, like not forcing things down his throat and not having this oppressive relationship with God For me to reconstruct like. I can't view God as a being that's going to get me. I have to view God as you know, a loving entity. You know like truly loving, truly accepting, truly allowing me to be on this journey called life, not making me at fault every time.
Speaker 3:Every time I do something wrong or quote, unquote, wrong that's relative. Every time I do something wrong, I'm going to get God, versus I'm on a journey and I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm actually just learning and these are called lessons and like, if I'm at school and I fell a test, you don't put me in detention because I fell the test. You give me tools to learn so that when I retake it I get it. You know what I'm saying. It's not, it's not an actual. You don't like flunk me out of the grade because I failed the test. It's like you allow me and give me resources to get the lesson that I missed.
Speaker 3:Somehow it's not, you know, a damn nation thing, and that was huge for me, because I grew up in this church and that's the thing I was like. I don't want to teach my son that, you know, god, who is the creator of all is is, you know, is constantly down your back like this. It's going to, you know, get you in it with, you with, and you're going to be in hell. And you're going to. You know, if you don't do, if you don't pray this morning or you don't say your grace tomorrow, you'll be in hell if you die. It's like just that fear, the constant fear that you cannot tell me I'm a friend of God and then treat me like I'm a fault of God, you know, and so that was a big thing for me.
Speaker 2:I think what happens is is that we misconstrue man's God with God. You know we put these labels on God. You know we make it seem, as you know, he's in this box. I can only receive him when I go to this place, which is church.
Speaker 2:There's only certain people who are anointed, just we have all of these conversations right and it's just. It's a trauma too, because, oh yes, ma'am, it's like the trauma of you do bad. Now you got to go stand in front of the church and, you know, get prayed for, and it's just like.
Speaker 3:no, I'm just being a kid like right, I'm just trying to figure this life out, like everybody is, I'm just trying to figure it out, yeah we have to actually sit down, read my own like read the Bible.
Speaker 2:For myself and I always went in the pretense of reading the Bible is there's nothing new under the sun, right? So when I read my Bible, I want to read it from a sense of why do we do the things that we do? I'm with that, as opposed to someone telling me that I have to do it this way because it's you know. So it's like down to like, I hate to say it, even pulling out hey, people in the Bible was pulling out that.
Speaker 3:Hello.
Speaker 2:It's nothing new. The sign Read your word. That's when the spilling of the seed Read your word. But, um, yeah, I think you're. You're absolutely right. And even with my kids now, I don't teach that. I teach making it applicable for them and letting them know that I'm not the source Right, and instead of you're doing bad, I want you to know what the source of your strength, with the source of you know just your blessings come from, as opposed to you didn't wash the dishes, so you're not being obedient to me and so therefore, you're going to hell.
Speaker 3:Right, because the Bible says that you're supposed to obey your mother and father. Your days will be longer. You are not obeying it, so your days are going to be short and since you disobey, it's going to be short. And when you leave here, it's going to probably be hell.
Speaker 2:It's a thing we sit down and we just talk about. Well, what was something that stuck out to you in the sermon and how do you make it applicable for you? Right, and that's just teaching them how to build their intuition and their gut feeling into hear God's voice, right? So, because it's going to be some things that you hear that I won't necessarily hear, that's not going to affect me, and I think we all go through that phase is some things that we hear in our spirit. Like you said, like trust me, you was like okay, and peace comes with that, and so that's what I'm trying to teach my kids.
Speaker 2:And so, as we get into the conversation of alignment again, it is that uncomfortable conversation that needs to be had, because I think social media likes to do this rose petals thing like, oh, sprinkle it in. You know, long as the mindset is good, you're good and you're like yo. But what happens when my mind is not good? I'm believing for greater, but my faith is being tested. I'm believing for greater, but something in my spirit is like oh, my gosh, you know, I just feel like I ain't got it, like, have you had moments?
Speaker 3:Oh my gosh, just the other day, just the other day, and and you know, I was reminded of what faith is. And when I say reminded because we all have definitions. Right, we can look at the definition in the dictionary. We can look at the definition according to you know, whatever your spiritual beliefs are, a lot of times definitions come to me like in my own words, like throughout my own life path, and like from me faith is believing even when you can't see that it's happening, even when it feels like it's not going to happen, like I just yes, yeah, like I.
Speaker 3:Just the other day, I was on my walk and I looked. That was the thing. It's like you don't even have faith until you feel like it's not even really going to happen, but you still say I'm going to believe, whatever that is, whatever that is. That's that hard, like the real, true, like hard thing about faith, because a lot of times, we think about faith as we're just believing, believing, believing, and we're happy as we're believing because we know what about when you don't really know, though, what about when you?
Speaker 2:You or are you trusting optimism, or you're trusting God that he going to really come through? I think that that's two different things, because when we're believing, where is that faith? Like I'm hoping right, but are you believing in the hope? Are you believing in God to say that it's already done? That's, that's trouble bus.
Speaker 3:And just knowing like, okay and like, as we talk about alignment and move into that, like my definition for alignment, is becoming the version of yourself that you see in your mind and you fill in your heart.
Speaker 2:So I think that's another thing too right. Some people can feel it, but they can't see it Like you can. You can feel I want to go to the next level. You can feel like I know that I'm meant to do more, but you, just you can't see it. How do you know when?
Speaker 3:I say. When I say see it, I mean okay, like what you just said, you can feel you want to go to the next level. Okay, what does that actually mean? The next level means the next level of what? Of getting. Buying a new house doesn't need a next level. A position of your job doesn't mean the next level in your entrepreneurial journey doesn't need the next level in your marriage. Doesn't mean that your next level of your Children's growth and development, like getting specific. What does the next level mean? So let's say the next.
Speaker 3:The next level is, you know, phasing yourself out of your job so that you can do your work full time. Okay, so then what does that look like? That looks like, instead of getting up in the morning or whatever days or nights or however, whatever your work schedule is maybe not having that and taking that time and fully being able to put it into your professional work and what you want to do. Or maybe, if you didn't have time to do these things with your kids, now you will have time to do that if you like helping people and coaching, or speaking, or doing your podcast and doing interviews and meetups around town, being able to do more of that. So you do see it. It's just being specific about that. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:I do, and I think, in order for us to do that and I know that you are a big fan of this it does requires us to get quiet and still.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, it does.
Speaker 2:And asking those questions I know and really taking the time to sit in it and have the conversation with yourself without any other influences. Yes, I know there's a lot of moms out there that are going through this space of they're always looking at career as success, but, like there's so many other areas that we should be defining success in, would you agree?
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely. It's not just career. I mean, just to keep it really plain, would have tomorrow you're laid off, that chapter is closed instantly. Then what? Like, of course you can go find another job. But it's like it's more to it than just what you do. It's about who you are, who you are in the doing right. So, whether it's a job, whether it's motherhood, whether it's an entrepreneurial journey, like whatever it is, a passion project, your relationship, it's who you are in the doing. That you have to be happy with.
Speaker 2:When we are tying our happiness to. I know one of the things that I struggled with was when the door of being this Navy chief in the military. When that door shut, it was rediscovering this new identity. You know, I'm 40. I'm starting over, having a new baby, you know, and now I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. Yeah, dive somebody through that, just on the discovery, you know process. What would you? What would you suggest?
Speaker 3:I think the very first thing is remembering who you were before you took on the titles, before you had the responsibility, before the supposed to's I like to call them came into play, and a lot of times that will take you to your childhood. It will take you to the moment that you felt the most free, the most alive, and really like think about it and like just kind of connect the dots of what was it Like. I think about myself. It's like what when you were a kid, ain't you? What did you do on your free time? What did you do on your free time? What did you do on your free time? What did you?
Speaker 3:You had no responsibilities other than, you know, cleaning up or doing your chores that you always procrastinated on. Like other than that, what did you like to do? Like I love being in my room. I love being in my own world. I would take all of my toys and I would make them my audience. I would talk to my toys. I would like we would have our own adventures together, like I.
Speaker 3:Just I was very imaginative, even when I think about how I was when I got a little older, with my friends, my best friend we are still friends. It's a day. We've been friends since I was 11 years old and she always. You know how your friend, your close friends and family can remember things about you that you tend to forget, and so she would always say she used to always say that you're the giver of truth and I was like. I did use to say that and I said that like as a I mean I was in middle school because I was like. You know, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm the giver of truth and I would just like fill out this long and I look at it now.
Speaker 3:That is exactly what I do. I get paid to be the giver of truth. Yeah, do you see what I'm saying? What absolutely made you come alive as a kid and made you feel uninhibited?
Speaker 2:You would be cracking up. I used to be a table table wrapper and write raps that then turned into poetry and that I would do open mic and I would go speak and that would be my thing. When I was in the military, I was always the MC.
Speaker 3:You know. So you always found yourself with a mic in your hand or in front of people speaking using your voice, informing, Boom. Yeah, when I watched, I listened to your podcast and I saw a couple of your, your, your lives on your page, I said oh, she's in the former as well. Her voice is her, is her, is her charging place? Yeah, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:I think. I think that is a good exercise for us all to do, you know, and it doesn't take long. It's just even sitting here just going through the motions of just like yeah, you're right, and really going back to childhood and understanding what you know brought you joy and not what someone forced your joy to be. Parents, aunts, grandmothers, their limiting beliefs are sometimes pushed down on kids, and then we don't grow up to be our full selves until we're in our 40s, and then we're in our 20s and our 30s we're not full.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, we're living. We're like living their life. They're don't even realize, they're like trying to vicariously live through us. And this is why it's important for parents like, not to. It's like oh well, I always wanted to be a football player and my dad didn't let me or I couldn't do it. And now I got a son. You're supposed to be a football player, that's not true. Like, if he wants to play football, that's one thing, but it but he should be one, or a police officer. What happened? And you don't know what.
Speaker 3:That your child's inherent nature is and our job as parents, I believe, is to continually cultivate it so that we can find those things that they love. I went to. You know what I'm saying, and nothing wrong with getting an education, but there's also nothing wrong with making sure your child that their gift is being cultivated. And sometimes that's not going to look like what we think we should be doing. According to family, according to society, according to religion, according to it all. It's not going to look like that and people walk around shooting on us and it creates misery and it creates resentment. How resentful have so many of us been because we have lived the life that our parents or our guardians told us we should be living. And then you get of age and you're like wait a minute, now, hold on. This ain't right. What have I been doing with my life? Now you're having a midlife crisis.
Speaker 2:And when it's not cultivated, you know what happens? Then the kid has to leave and go find it themselves. And for me that was how I joined the military. No one was talking to me about college. No one was telling me oh well, scholarships, I didn't get that right. And there's one thing to say we can't pay for college. But there's another thing to say look, we can figure it out. And when we fail to do the, we can figure it out, part for our kids. You know, that's the hindrance, you know.
Speaker 3:Because sometimes our parents won't be, they won't be that bad for us. And not because they don't want to be, they just don't know how to be.
Speaker 2:They don't know how to be or the capacity to be, and we the space where we forgive them for not having the capacity, for not having to know how or to wear with all or all of the things to get to a place. And truly, when you have kids, you get to that space where you say, oh, I get it now, and because I get it we go back to, but I'm about to break this, that cycle, and then we be cycle breakers for that. And now that you spoke about it's like these ideals and these principles and these values that we have on our kids. Now the language change and now it's saying you gotta do this. Our kids now learn like no, let's cultivate what you like, not what I like. Is there one lesson that you had to learn on your own that your mom didn't teach you?
Speaker 3:Now that you're a mom, yeah, yeah, and we touched on this a little bit before we started recording but making myself a priority and taking it a step further, advocating for myself. So we hear a lot about in a parenthood, advocating for our children, but advocating for ourselves, standing up for ourselves, making sure we have what we need, because if I am lacking, baby boy, I can't give nothing to you, even in that making when I say making yourself a priority, even not only with doing things that you love or things that bring you joy and things, but advocating for yourself and making yourself a priority. Like have you been to the doctor? How's your health? When's the last time you've been to the dentist? Have you gotten your yearly checkup? Are you doing your preventative measures? You know, like things like that.
Speaker 3:So it's on a yeah, all of the things. It's like it's a holistic approach of making yourself a priority and advocating for yourself and to prioritize yourself. Because we fail to realize that when we don't make ourselves a priority, we are teaching our children we think we're teaching our children that, oh, you know I'm making you a priority. You know we're teaching them to put themselves last and we're teaching them to be a martyr.
Speaker 2:You know, and we're not martyrs, we're not martyrs.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean, and so that is something that I had to learn on my own.
Speaker 2:This is so good because when you said advocate, you know what my mind went to how we'd be like ain't nobody gonna play with our babies. We'll be up at the school, a teacher gonna play, like we will turn a place out for our kids. And we need to move with that same energy as it relates to our health. And you know, it's just really just taking the time and advocate for self. Oh yeah, that's a word Figuring out, taking that quiet space to make sure we get back to the basics of who we are, the core of who we are, and writing it down and making sure that our goals align with that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like letting that be, letting that be the thing that we're striving for, because I don't want to go on too long but the thing is we fail to realize that that is what we've talked about what God has placed in our lives and what God wants us to do with our lives. It's already in there. It's already in there, and a lot of times we go and we're like pleading and begging and praying and it's like, well, I can't, I don't know what to do and I can't hear God. It's like, well, because it's already there. It's there, the treasure is already there. It's like you're begging for the treasure you put in the ground and it's already there. You just got to dig. It's already there, though. So quit coming back to me begging for the treasure that I already put there. You just gotta search and get it.
Speaker 2:Don't make me jump out my seat, don't make me do this. Oh, bust it out at the scenes. Because yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then we get into the cycle of him trying to fix your mind, fix your heart and get you back together, that you now have to go through the other cycle because when you was supposed to be in the season of nurturing, you can't even get to the harvesting because you're not even in a space to do the sewing.
Speaker 3:We can go on forever.
Speaker 2:I can already say Well, that is the end of today's show. I hope you enjoyed it. If we're not connected on Instagram, which is my favorite place to hang out, be sure to stop by and say hi at Martini Mama's podcast. Also, if you haven't done so, please follow, rate and review, and higher ratings and higher reviews mean more dope moms can find us, and I keep bringing you fresh mom content that matters Until next Thursday. Be blessed.