Martini Mamas | A place where Moms Thrive
Navigating Mental Health and Parenting with Grace and Resilience
With 18 years cutting and coloring her way through the beauty industry, she's equally adept at crafting the perfect hairstyle as she is at navigating the complex balance between parenting and personal well-being. As a mother of three and survivor of a childhood marked by addiction and manipulation, AT's story —a testament to the power of self-taught skills and self-care in the face of life's adversities.
AT's journey through motherhood is a stark reminder of the importance of establishing boundaries, not just with others but also with the expectations we set for ourselves. Our conversation pulls no punches, tackling tough topics like childhood sexual abuse and the intricate process of healing while also celebrating the joy found in simple hobbies that offer solace from the relentless demands of parenthood and professional life.
We wrap up our heart-to-heart with an empowering call to arms for all mothers out there: to arm our children with the knowledge and communication skills needed to navigate their own mental health and personal boundaries. As we discuss the legacy we wish to leave for our little ones, it's clear that our roles as parents are not just about the example we set but also about the conversations we open up.
Connect with Atalaya @hairbyablonde IG
Connect with me on Instagram at Martini Mamas Podcast.
Are you on the list: Join our Mama Mojo Weekly newsletter for a dose of inspiration delivered straight to your inbox.
Sign up now for our exclusive Imposter to Unstopabble freebie and unlock powerful tools to conquer self-doubt, and boost your confidence >>Get it now<<
With 18 years cutting and coloring her way through the beauty industry, she's equally adept at crafting the perfect hairstyle as she is at navigating the complex balance between parenting and personal well-being. As a mother of three and survivor of a childhood marked by addiction and manipulation, AT's story —a testament to the power of self-taught skills and self-care in the face of life's adversities.
AT's journey through motherhood is a stark reminder of the importance of establishing boundaries, not just with others but also with the expectations we set for ourselves. Our conversation pulls no punches, tackling tough topics like childhood sexual abuse and the intricate process of healing while also celebrating the joy found in simple hobbies that offer solace from the relentless demands of parenthood and professional life.
We wrap up our heart-to-heart with an empowering call to arms for all mothers out there: to arm our children with the knowledge and communication skills needed to navigate their own mental health and personal boundaries. As we discuss the legacy we wish to leave for our little ones, it's clear that our roles as parents are not just about the example we set but also about the conversations we open up.
Connect with Atalaya @hairbyablonde IG
Connect with me on Instagram at Martini Mamas Podcast.
Are you on the list: Join our Mama Mojo Weekly newsletter for a dose of inspiration delivered straight to your inbox.
Sign up now for our exclusive Imposter to Unstopabble freebie and unlock powerful tools to conquer self-doubt, and boost your confidence >>Get it now<<
What's better than a regular happy hour? How about an ultimate happy hour for moms? Martini Mamas podcast is a weekly hangout for modern mamas to discuss mamahood, work-life balance, blended families and self-care. So whether you're looking for advice, community or a new bestie, you are in the right place. Cheers.
Speaker 2:Hey guys, welcome back to the Martini Mamas podcast. It's your girl, rika, and today we have such a phenomenal guest on. She is man, amazing in every respect. I met her here in Texas just networking and doing things. But let me tell you she has been in the beauty industry specifically hair for over 18 years, but we're going to get a little bit more in that. But I really brought her on just to talk to us about mental health as a mom and how important it is to prioritize our mental health and sometimes how we don't even recognize that we're going through some things and how, like, past traumas affect us now in raising our kids. But I'm going to get AT on in here and let her tell you a little bit more about herself, hey.
Speaker 3:AT Hello, excited to be here.
Speaker 2:I'm so excited to have you here, so go ahead, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 3:Well, like you said, I've been doing hair for 18 years. I am a mom of three daughters, I'm a wife and my passion is in hair. My passion is helping women. That's what I do.
Speaker 2:What made you get into hair?
Speaker 3:I actually started when I was in high school. I taught myself and very much like a hobby for me.
Speaker 2:I guess, Wow. So you started like you really followed your passion from a young age. Was that like something that your mom crowded you to do?
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was more like just me I wanted to do it. I think my mom was just glad I was going to do something, you know, and graduate high school. But at first even my dad was kind of like, why would you do that? I mean, that's not a career, it's not a college degree, you know. I think they were back then it was still, I think, a little more looked at like, oh, you can't go to college, so you just go to beauty school. But then I think when they realize that this industry is a booming industry, you can make a good living, then they change their mindset and we're more for it.
Speaker 2:You know. Good for you. That's all I got to say. Is good for you. I think sometimes we do get in this thing of like our parents not really pushing us or seeing us, you know, want to do the thing or discounting that thing. So the fact you still push through and you've been doing it for like 18 years. Before we get into deep, because I really want to talk about like the cut-a-thon and just a little bit more about your upbringing, you being a mom, how that translate, let's get into this mom vibe check. Are you ready?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Okay, so first question Mother's Day is here, right, it's coming up. Which would you choose? Would you choose to have a clean house or a spa day?
Speaker 3:Definitely a clean house, right? Yeah, that's what I want. Like, can we?
Speaker 2:please just like do everything right, do everything Okay, laundry for a year or mani-pedi for a year, oh hands down laundry for a year.
Speaker 3:Oh, hands down laundry for a year. Because I hate laundry Like I hate it with a passion, Like I rather scrub a toilet with a Q-tip than do laundry. I hate it.
Speaker 2:I don't even know, like why laundry is so traumatizing to us moms. Man, I don't know, I don't know. Okay, are you choosing chocolates, your favorite chocolate, your favorite sweet everything, or or roses from your kids?
Speaker 3:definitely chocolate, because I'm an eater and I love to eat.
Speaker 2:So that's my, that's my downfall y'all. I'm in this like uh boot camp, 21 day boot camp. Because of it, I'm like I gotta get myself together you know, mom's gotta clean that up.
Speaker 3:So I'm like no thanks, I'd rather have the chocolate when those roses die. I gotta clean them up when they're falling all over the place all right.
Speaker 2:well, that was a quick little mom vibe check. I'm vibing with you. I hate the laundry. Give me some chocolates, you know what I'm saying. Which now I'm doing better on the laundry, so I might take the mani-pedi for a year to get away from the kids. I've been doing good on the laundry, so maybe a mani-pedi. But let's bring it back onto topic. So tell me about little AT. How did we get to being this phenomenal business owner? I know you talked a little bit about. Hey, it was just something that I started when I was in high school and went into it blindly and just took it by the ropes. So let's get to her.
Speaker 3:I grew up in Floresville it's like a small town about 15 minutes off the southeast side of San Antonio, you know, with my parents, with my mom and my stepdad, and it was, I mean, I definitely have a great life, but it wasn't extremely bad as either.
Speaker 3:I mean I think I say that but when I tell my story people are like wait what? I guess when you're in it you don't think it's a normal, but I guess you know some of the things that I've gone through. I mean my mom was an addict. It definitely was difficult because she's not a bad mom, but the things she did I definitely look back now as being a mother like I would not have my kids in those situations or doing those kinds of things. You know, and for so long I was very ride or die for my mom and didn't really see her narcissism, her manipulation, you know for so long. So it was difficult, but it's all I knew growing up. You know the things that would happen, like I've previously said before, like I did go through sexual abuse with Wait a minute, hold on.
Speaker 2:hold on, wait a minute AT. So you said your mom was an addict. Was that something that was seen in the house? Like how did you know?
Speaker 3:I knew because, well, I didn't really get it until I was a teenager, um, like pre-teen teen. Just we would be at parties and you know her friends were doing it and and just the chaos in the house with my stepdad like fighting because she was doing it she would do like cocaine pills. I really I always kind of knew but didn't know until I was in high school and realized that even people that I considered friends were doing it with her. You know, just things like that, like things I saw. Yeah, I just didn't really want to believe it, but as I got into high school it was more like I saw, you know, and right.
Speaker 3:So, just like my friends were doing it with her, just there were definitely more indications of her drug use her mood swings, just the people we would be around the house, parties little things. I knew she was doing it. It's just kind of one of those things that I didn't want to really believe or know, but it was pretty obvious. Or there was times where I would come home with my friends at night and she'd be outside on the steps.
Speaker 2:You were a blended family right. Not only were you dealing with this, but do you know your biological dad? I do, yes. How was that point? Did you feel like you wanted to escape? Never, or are you like?
Speaker 3:this is life, I think, growing up I was just like this is life until I feel like this was life, until I become 18 and graduate and I can go on my own. My dad was involved in my life. You know I would see him every other weekend. You know my mom and my dad did get along pretty well. It was difficult sometimes because my dad, on the other hand, had a very different lifestyle than my mom. He was very much like well off, very Make you feel. I mean so for a long time I didn't think anything different because that's all I knew.
Speaker 3:But as I got older one I definitely felt like an outsider with my dad over there because my mom, you know, we were not well off. I mean, I grew up pretty poor, especially in the early years when we first moved out to Floresville. I was five and for the first couple, like four or five years, we literally lived in like when I say a shack, it was like a shack, like it was put together, like it was like a shack, like it was put together. It was horrible. And then we got moved into it. We bought a trailer when my brother was born, which was nice, you know, but it was a trailer. But my mom I mean my dad on the other side, you know, had a good money. They had a good life. My stepsister had a really good life.
Speaker 3:So I did have to feel like I didn't come. I had a different life with my mom and as I got older, I do say I guess I could call it resentment, but I started to feel and really think back, like when my dad would come pick me up and I was living in that shack, like why didn't you take me? You know, I was five years old. How was you okay with this? Yes, and I never questioned that until I was older. And I was five years old. How was you okay with this? Yes, and I never questioned that until I was older and I had my own kids.
Speaker 2:So don't it always happen that way. Yes, um, I I had a similar, you know background too, of just mom being an alcoholic, really finding out that she was an addict too, which then made sense why she stayed away for so long. Now, as a mom, you're looking back, you're reflecting on some of those things that you've been through, and I don't want to go over the fact that you did experience some sexual assault.
Speaker 3:Yes, I was probably started when I was around nine or 10. It was like a couple of years. It was my stepdad's dad, so my brother's grandpa, and it was. You know, it's crazy to to even be able to talk about it, because for so long I never said anything. I felt so ashamed. I thought it was my fault because I didn't stop it.
Speaker 3:I don't know, it's weird. When you're a child you don't understand what's really going on. I was always so afraid to say it because my stepdad, at the time with my mom, I feel like he was our constant. I didn't want to break up our family. I felt like, if I say it, my mom's going to leave. Where are we going to be? Where are we going to go? I don't want to be with her alone, or me and my brother alone. It's really a weird thing to hold something like that in as a child and just kind of try to like forget about it. And then there was an incident that happened where he did she told my dad so that he exposed himself to us and for me it was just like well, like it sounds so crazy, but it was just like well, I mean, that's what he does. You know, I was so young.
Speaker 3:So my dad, I mean, he went crazy Like it was a big deal. So, seeing all of that, I was like, oh, I'm definitely not saying that he did anything else. Then because my dad's about to like go nuts and you know, and I and my stepmom at the time, she did ask me like has he done anything else? And I said no. And even that now as an adult, um, with my mom I hold a little resentment because I feel like you never asked me if anything else happened. Y'all kind of just swept it under the rug. You know you never. I mean, if my kid tells me that someone does it, I'm going to question them more like well, is there anything else? And they never did. They just wanted to kind of like forget about it and move on.
Speaker 2:You know, when you're in this situation and you're this little kid trying to hold a family together, cause that's essentially what you were trying to do, and it gets to the point where, like, I could tell, but I still don't want to dismantle my family, at what point did you, did you ever tell your mom?
Speaker 3:I told her when I was like 34 years old Wow, yeah.
Speaker 2:Did you go through counseling and healing?
Speaker 3:I did. I went to therapy and it started with first when I had my daughter, my oldest. It's kind of weird how we definitely can compartmentalize our memories and like push them away. So so at some point my stepdad's dad passed away and, ironically enough, he did pass away from prostate cancer. So I don't know, I don't want to say that's karma, but karma.
Speaker 2:God sees everything. God sees everything.
Speaker 3:I was like 13 when he died. So then at that point I felt like okay, what's really the point? Now? I mean, he's dead. What can they do about it? You know, there's no point in hurting my family when there's something they can do. There's no point in hurting my family when there's something they can do. So I just kind of shoved it to the back of my mind and just moved on with life.
Speaker 3:When I had my daughter my oldest I did go to counseling for a little bit in the beginning and that was the first time I said it out loud to like a stranger and it was really weird, because that counselor we were talking about things and he said I feel like there's something you're not telling me and I was like no, and he was like no, I don't know, I kind of read it on my face or I don't know, and I just like broke down and said it out loud. And it was the first time I like voiced it to someone I don't even know time. I like voiced it to someone I don't even know, you know. So, just having to process through that as an adult and a mother.
Speaker 2:And then, um, how did that make you feel? So new baby comes and your life changes right Cause it changes for all of us and you start thinking about like your life and how you grew up and because we all go through it right, like what are the things that we want to make different for our child? Now you see this new baby you like how did that change your relationship with your mom?
Speaker 3:um, so in when I had my oldest, I was very much a pushover with my mom still, just because I always felt like she don't really have nobody, everybody, like I'm the only one that helps her, I'm the only one that does for her. I also feel like she's my mom. I have to respect her. You know, I can't really. You know, I was very much a internalizing person. I would never really say anything, I would just kind of like keep it in, like you never know how I really felt, because I was very good at masking and just keep it pushing, you know so. So I never said anything.
Speaker 3:And my mom, like I said, is very toxic. She's very up and down with her moods and I dealt with that for a very long time. I mean, I had my oldest when I was 24 and I just dealt with it for so long. Finally, in my 30s, when I had my second daughter, I just started to realize I don't have to allow people who are toxic be in my life, no matter who you are. Like I can stand up for myself. I should be able to to just the way I can.
Speaker 3:So at 34 is when, the first time, I ever kind of let my mom have it, you know just get it all out, told her how she made me feel the things that she did, what happened to me as a child, and and then I cut her off.
Speaker 2:Wow, now like cutting your mom off after all these years.
Speaker 3:was it hard it was because that's my mom and I didn't want to believe that my mom is manipulative, manipulative to me or using me or lying, you know. But I literally was one. I mean, I had two daughters. I definitely dealt with some postpartum with my second.
Speaker 2:What did postpartum look like for you? Because it looks different for a whole lot of women.
Speaker 3:Yes, With my second. Honestly, I think I don't really remember a lot of it because I was working on my own already. I went on my own as Hair by a Blonde when I was five months pregnant and I went back to work after four weeks of having her. So I was just like on, like autopilot all the time. So postpartum was definitely more like a depression, but a functioning depression.
Speaker 2:I guess you could say oh, we never talk about that often Like functioning depression. We always think it's like I just oh, we never talk about that often Like functioning depression, we always think it's like I'm crying, I'm sad, I can't eat. Right, but what does functioning depression look like for you?
Speaker 3:It's I'm working, I'm still, you know, happy and making people feel good. And you know, going home, home still being with my kids, um it's, you don't really notice it on some people it's just like little that you have to really pay attention to to understand it. Like not cleaning my house, you know, but saying I'm just too busy, even it's really I just had no motivation to do that. Um, sleeping a lot, you know, but just saying I'm just too busy, I just had no motivation to do that. Sleeping a lot, you know, but just saying I'm tired because from work, you know, and because I have a baby, you know, you just kind of brush it off to things like that.
Speaker 2:It's like we shut that door and soon as we shut the door and the outside noise we crumble. You know and I don't think that we talk a lot about that as moms, especially as like ambitious, career-driven working mom entrepreneurs that you know are just trying to build a legacy for our families but also like, in the inside, really heal you know what I mean Like we have so much going on and it's warm. How did you get over it?
Speaker 3:um, I mean honestly, I also feel like I think for me, when I'm depressed, when I'm sad, when I'm upset, I, I dive into work. I am. I definitely can consider myself a workaholic. I've definitely gotten better now with trying to get that balance of work, but I think work is just always been my constant. But it's because that's where I feel like myself, that's where I feel I'm in control. Yeah, you know, that's how I got through the first couple years. With my first depression, with my third one, I definitely went through postpartum again. That was a little harder because I was older. It definitely was more like the symptoms of it, like I just didn't want to do anything, I would just be very not myself, like not as happy as I usually can be.
Speaker 3:I was overwhelmed, like very overwhelmed. I felt like how I gonna do this, like why?
Speaker 2:did I do this you know right and do this is and have another baby have another baby yes, yeah, I think we all had that thought.
Speaker 2:Like girl, what am I doing? Like, even when I retired, like it was it. It threw like a wrench in everything that I thought I was about to do. You know what I mean? I'm like, first of all, I'm 39, about to be 40. I just retired, I'm thinking we about to travel and then all of a sudden your girl is knocked up and I'm like what Real guy like this? You know, it was all of those and I feel you on that. But I want to double back. Sometimes we hide in our strengths and then we see all the other aspects go low. You can kind of see where you're, which like blocks or cups or things that you're pouring into when you write all the different responsibilities that you have in your life. Who wants to deal with the mucky your life? Who wants to deal with the mucky stuff, like?
Speaker 1:who wants to?
Speaker 2:deal with the stuff that don't feel good. So like what are some of those things that now that you've experienced what depression looks like and you got girls, so you know how to go through the hormones right?
Speaker 3:What's your?
Speaker 2:ages of your girls.
Speaker 3:My oldest will be 13 this month, and then I have a seven-year-old and a two-year-old.
Speaker 2:Okay, we on par, we on par. So you know them girls be girling. Okay, yep, they do. So what are some things that you're now teaching them about mental health?
Speaker 3:Just to be open. I really try to allow them to talk to me about anything, and even I still have setbacks with that because I'm still learning to for about communication, because for so long I didn't, you know, I just held everything in or I pop off. You know I go off emotion. So I really try to allow them to talk with me about anything and sometimes I don't do it right. I mean, sometimes I get upset or I start getting like really mad and I have to catch myself because I don't want them to feel like they can't talk to me because I'm going to get upset. So I try to apologize once I calm down. I'm sorry I got mad. You need to be able to talk to me. But they're honestly really good at being open and talking with me.
Speaker 3:I think sometimes, because of the things I've gone through, I can be a little bit of an overthinker. Me and my husband always make jokes. I mean we're like y'all are suburban kids. I don't know nothing about this life. It's weird to think. But for instance, when my daughter tells me something about her friend or school and she, she's very upset. I have to really watch my reaction because sometimes in my mind I'm like Eliana. That's not even anything to get upset about, like that's stupid, you know. But I have to remember wait, these are normal kid problems.
Speaker 2:I didn't have normal kid problems, so I go, you know, so I problems, so I go you know.
Speaker 3:So I got to remember, like cause in my mind, thinking it could be worse. But I got to remember this is bad to her because she doesn't know worse and that's what I want. I want her to not know worse. I don't want her to know what I've gone through. So I got to remember, like okay, this is what a normal kid feels for on little things like this. Know right, that's so fair.
Speaker 2:I I receive that. I definitely receive that because, just like you, um, they can be feeling a little bit entitled. Yeah, I'm like bro, bro, you're doing way too much like what we're talking about right now. Like what do we, you know what we're doing? Like, all I'm asking you to do is your chores. Get good girl. You know, like the, this is the standard. Like, um, I do feel you on that and I think communication is this big thing now that we hear gentle parenting, and I think it even has to be a balance with that, because you still have to give your kids structure and not that you got to be beaten on them. I think for me why I didn't do a lot of like the spanking and all that other stuff, because I had a bonus son.
Speaker 1:So I feel like.
Speaker 2:I've been every mom. I've been like the single mom just when it was just me and my son. Then I got married and then I got an extra son immediately and then I had two girls after that. So it's just like I've been at every stage of motherhood. But I think when you have a bonus child, that is a different relationship. I always put myself in his mom's shoes Like would I want somebody spanking my child, even though they're, you know, the bonus mom and caring for him and paying for all his bills and all of that stuff, and I would say no, no, no, cause I might come, you might have to come see these hands. But I digress, I'm not a fighter. You know, when we're in these blended families we don't those dynamics we never talk about you know, and I've never, ever, ever bad mouth his mom.
Speaker 2:I would never do that because that's his mom. But I wouldn't be telling my husband like hey, get your girl, like you know. And then of course my husband is so gracious in that you know where he's, like I'll call. I have a conversation, I think as we get into like motherhood and trauma is different things that for our girls that we want to do differently. So what are some things that you put into place to make sure that number one things like them take, being taken advantage of and all that stuff don't happen?
Speaker 3:um, definitely, like I say, just being very open and communication. I am very I definitely call myself a helicopter mom sometimes because that's obviously because of the stuff I've gone through I'm very cautious with my girls and what they do and I do feel bad sometimes, like I'm not ever going to allow them to go to sleepovers, you know, just things like that. Even when her little friends have birthday parties at their house, I'm like, if I can't be there with you, I'm not dropping you off, you know, because I don't know who's going to be there or. But the main thing for me with them is always talking to them about them, their bodies, like, don't allow people to touch you or take pictures of you.
Speaker 3:You know, and not even I even had to talk to my daughter, even um, with girls, you know, I think we focus on like the opposite sex, like, you know, don't let a boy do this or a man. But I had to tell her too, like, even another girl, they cannot touch you in the areas don't want to be touched. They can't be taking pictures of you. You know, um, I think because she has had a lot of questions about her friends saying like, oh, I'm bi, I'm lesbian and I'm very much open with my daughters. Your sexual orientation does not bother me, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and if my girls are lesbian or bisexual, that's up to them and I'm going to support them. But at this age I also try to talk to her like, like, don't let one of your friends who's saying that she's into girls make you think that, like, you're into girls If you're you know, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Don't let her pressure you into that or peer pressure you.
Speaker 3:Yes, and or confuse you on what that is. You know I had to tell her like I think girls are attractive. That doesn't make me think, that doesn't make me that I like girls, like that. You know you can think girls are pretty, but it doesn't make you a lesbian. So don't let your friend coerce you into thinking, just because you think they're pretty, that you want to be with a girl. You know you understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Right, right, absolutely yeah, this new age of gender fluidity, you know, not by like all of the things, and even with like the shows you with Disney and you know some of the shows that are introducing this to kids at a very young age. It is important for parents to have the conversation. I just like, oh, change the channel, they're going to see it one way or another. Up, change the channel, they're going to see it one way or another. And that was like one of the heart pills that I had to swallow was you can try to not expose them, but when you do that, then you leave it up to their friends to expose them. And some of these kids are looking at wild stuff. We can have the family protection link on the phones and all of this stuff and that's what it is for me.
Speaker 3:I I'm very open and blunt with my daughters. If they ask me about something, I'm going to be honest with them and I always tell them, especially more so right now, my oldest. You know I'm like these. Your friends are your age, so they don't know more than you. Your friends are your age, so they don't know more than you. Or, if they do see more than you, they're they're. They don't understand what it is or what they're looking at. So if you want to know, ask me, you know and I'll tell you.
Speaker 1:I mean I'm gonna be straight up with you.
Speaker 3:Um, so I think that's just the. The way I protect them is by nobody. Nobody man, woman, man, woman, girl, boy touches you. If you feel uncomfortable, you say it. You don't you know, you don't have to be in a situation where you feel uncomfortable or pressured, you know just it's. You speak up for yourself. I think I'm so big on like you need to speak up because I didn't you know and I don't want that for them. But I do sometimes feel like, because of what I've been through, I can overthink things, like when my daughter comes in the car. You know teenagers, like they just have a mad face for no reason and you think, like what do you hate life or what? Like, what happened?
Speaker 2:Like what happened? Who did something to you? What, what, what, what.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I'm like Eliana, are you okay? She's like yeah, I'm fine. I'm like are you sure, Did anything happen? You know, I kind of get nervous Like, oh my God, what if something happened to her and she's not telling me because she don't know how to talk about it, or but again, I have to remember, okay, she does not have the same life that I had. Like, this is normal behavior for a regular kid, Doesn't mean something traumatic happened to her, like I don't know.
Speaker 2:I just got to remember that man, that that I think that was so good, that was so good. So you being, you know, a mom entrepreneur, right, with the girls you married, right and really trying to balance home life, and being, you know mom entrepreneur, tell me about, like, how you pour into yourself, how do you find those pockets of time to look stunning like this?
Speaker 3:This is definitely not an everyday. If you, if you've ever seen me in my chair, you know like not normal I come in looking crazy. Sometimes I'm like, wow, I can't believe my clients even come because I look crazy, but I'm still going to do your hair good. Just because I look crazy, that doesn't mean you're going to look crazy. It's funny you asked that about pouring into yourself because in therapy my therapist would tell me because he calls me AT too, which I think is funny he's like AT, what do you do for you? What? What do you like to do? What's your hobby?
Speaker 3:And I sat there in silence because I said I don't know what my hobby is. I don't, I don't think I have a hobby, because all I do is work and be a mom and a wife and I don't know, watch TV. Like I didn't know what to say, like I didn't know I didn't know what to say, like I didn't know I didn't know, like, what my hobby is. And I thought I need to figure something out, because that's weird that I really don't have anything.
Speaker 2:That well, I think the thing is you're probably like the thing that you would consider a hobby, um, you're doing for work. Yeah, I think, because I was about to say, like, well, what did you do when you were a little girl? You like girl're like girl. I've been doing hair, I've been planning hair, I've been doing Barbie dolls hair, I'm all things you know.
Speaker 3:I don't know.
Speaker 2:Are you a reader? Are you fitness? Are you a writer? Do you like to journal? Do you like to eat? Well, you do like to eat. I do love love to eat, so it might be experiencing new restaurants.
Speaker 3:That could be your thing um, I definitely, honestly, I guess it's just it has it's. It's been a long time since I've done anything. Um, you know, it's kind of like I did something for a little bit, then I stopped and didn't go back to it. And I did it for a little bit and I stopped. But I do enjoy coloring. I used to love getting coloring books and like coloring and coloring books and you know, that would kind of focus me and and kind of put me in a zone. So I would say, sometimes coloring when I get a chance.
Speaker 2:Boom. Then we got to get you some coloring books and crayons and all of the things, all of the things I love that. I mean, I think we have to be very mindful of how we pour into ourselves and work-life balance, because we teach our kids in actions. They don't know work ethic. They don't know that my mom look, my mom worked hard, she did this. But they also need to see, know that my mom look, my mom worked hard, she did this. But they also need to see like, but my mom always took time, a moment for herself. You know she always went and did this thing. So we do the maintenance part. We don't get those nails done.
Speaker 2:We, we don't get the touch up, but I think sometimes just the stillness is important.
Speaker 3:And that's what I've really been on a journey of is really balancing work, because I was always felt like a good work weekends. Anymore I don't work past four, you know um even just being home with them, even if we're not doing anything, um making sure I make it to their school events. I I had to really like unlearn that working is not everything. I don't want to leave this earth and my kids just say my mom worked a lot you know, so I try to really be more present with them now now not all the time am I still perfect, because there's times I'm present but I'm like get out of my room, go over there, leave me alone, you know but.
Speaker 3:But I'm there, but, um, I'm just this. This year has really been a very much a me here, like I'm putting myself first and just doing what helps me and what makes me feel good and better. You know, so I can be better for them and my husband.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you you're doing a beautiful job. We've had several run ins doing a beautiful job. We've had several run-ins. I'm happy to have this run-in with you right now on the podcast just to have some good old girl talk. But before you get out of here, last question what is one lesson that your mom didn't teach you that you had to learn yourself?
Speaker 3:I would say that to stand up for yourself and to not let people walk all over you, and that it's okay to protect your peace and remove people from your life that don't bring you peace, no matter who they are, you know, and just really protecting your peace, like as as you get older.
Speaker 3:That's very important. Growing up, my mom or my dad never validated my feelings, even to this day. You know. That's one thing I have to I work on the most with my daughters is validating their feelings. Like I said, you know, even though there's times that I may feel like what? Like that's not even something to be upset about, I have to think, but to them they are upset. So I need to validate that because I know how that feels to not have my feelings validated because my parents don't validate my feelings. So that was a big lesson for me to learn on my own as well, you know.
Speaker 2:Good, I love that. Feel what you're going to feel, just don't live there. That's the mantra in our house. But feel what you're gonna feel. Just don't live in there you know, I like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, like you can feel it, if it's make you cry, if you need to cry, if you need a hug. And even with my teenage boys now I have done a lot better with hugging them more. It's like the girls, their kids, you know, and it's like, wait a minute, hold on, get your boobs off me, girl. But still, you know, but the boys, they go through their like change and they're, you know, going through puberty and they, you know, you can see it, and they're feeling indifferent and and it's just like them, still, my boys. And so for a minute I was like kind of of like, do I already took their hugs? Now I'll be like, come here, I'm gonna give you a hug. And then they asked for the hug.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that melts me away oh, can I get a hug?
Speaker 2:I'm like you have been such a phenomenal guest. Tell the people where they can keep up with you, what you got going on. When is the next cutathon?
Speaker 3:all of the things um, I mean everything's hair by a blonde. So you can find me on social media hair by a blonde. I do have some things coming this year and I'm really looking forward to I I'm I'm learning not to speak on things until it's done because I don't want that you know it to not fall through. But I got a few things I'm working on that I'm excited to present once we get it going. And the Cutathon is coming again next February.
Speaker 3:This year I am going to work on it being a actual nonprofit. You know 501c3. So I'm going to be working with April on that and I'm really excited to get that started and see where it goes with that, because then I can get big sponsors and hopefully help more than one person and pay their full tuition. So I'm really praying that it it gets to become an actual scholarship where it's every year that that's something that I can leave behind for my girls to continue and and help the new generation with doing their passion and and making a living from what they're passionate about. So yeah.
Speaker 2:So for all y'all that don't know, it's a big fundraiser that she does and all the money that's raised ends up paying one like cosmetology student whether they're female or you know going to barber school or you know, to be a cosmetologist to do hair, but they pay their tuition, and so I think this year she gave away one and she wants to give away many more. So please make sure that you're following. We're going to make sure she gets her donation link up as well so that you guys can just donate to it. Even if you can't come get the haircut, you can still donate to a cause because it's going to a beautiful thing I cannot wait to support. Whether you're a nonprofit or not, let me come in and do some backdoor media for you. I would love to do that.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Oh love it.
Speaker 2:And do red carpet for you, so that would be awesome.
Speaker 3:Yes, I would love that.
Speaker 2:Oh, that would be so great. Okay, well, we like to end the show with let's raise our glass, and we raise our glass to something, so you get to tell us what we're raising our glass to this week.
Speaker 3:Since it's Mother's Day, like let's raise our glasses to being mothers powerful, comfortable in our own skin and loving ourselves and healing those generational traumas and breaking those chains, oh beautiful.
Speaker 2:Well, guys, y'all know how I like to say. It's all about the poor, both figuratively and literally, and if you don't do nothing for yourself, pour into yourself, because if you do, no one else will. And that's it. See you next Thursday. Well, that is the end of today's show. I hope you enjoyed it. If we're not connected on Instagram, which is my favorite place to hang out, be sure to stop by and say hi at Martini Mama's podcast. Also, if you haven't done so, please follow, rate and review us. Higher ratings and higher reviews mean more dope moms can find us, and I keep bringing you fresh mom content. That matters until next Thursday. Be blessed.