Refill with Reka | A place where Moms Thrive

Embracing the Journey: Trauma, Motherhood, and the Power of Forgiveness

• Reka

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Have you ever been brought to tears by a powerful scene in a movie? This week's episode was inspired by the heart-wrenching moment between Viola and Nawi in the film Woman King. We explore the intricate themes of trauma and motherhood, diving into how our parents' choices can impact our own journey as parents and the tests we face in life that force us to stand on our own two feet. 
 
But don't worry; we take this emotional rollercoaster and bring it back to a place of healing and growth. In our second half, we focus on the essential qualities of self-compassion and forgiveness. Learn how to release past traumas, embrace the power of forgiveness, and ultimately move forward in your journey through motherhood. Grab your journal and join us for some reflection, prayer, and cheers to embracing the complex beauty of parenthood!

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Speaker 1:

What's better than a regular happy hour? How about an ultimate happy hour for moms? Martini Mama's podcast is a weekly hangout for modern mamas to discuss mamahood, work-life balance, blended families and self-care. So whether you're looking for advice, community or a new bestie, you are in the right place. Cheers.

Speaker 2:

Welcome back to another episode of the Martini Mama's podcast. I'm your host, erika. Today we're going to be talking about the traumas and motherhood and how it kind of dictates how we parent but not how we forgive. Now it's going to be jam-packed with a lot of gems, so I hope you are ready for it. I want to start off by saying I'm late to the party Y'all. I actually sat down and watched Woman King, and when I'm watching Woman King, i mean there were so many just moments in there that just inspire me. But I want to talk about the relationship between Viola, who is Woman King, and her Maui, who she comes to find out is actually her daughter, and the moment that she finds out her daughter, that that is her daughter, has to be the most impactful moment for me in the movie, because I so much related to it. Now, if you haven't seen it look spoiler alert I'm about to give it to you now. So she's in the movie. He has this new recruit. This recruit is just, in many ways is a younger her, and I know that she can see herself through that lens. However, because of the mistakes that she's made in the past, she doesn't want this recruit, this new recruit named Maui to make the same mistake. So they have this test that they have to go through and pass the battle, which, like many of us, we go through previous tests in life And when we think that we're on the road to elevation, elevation oftentimes reveal in us some things that we didn't even know that we had inside ourselves. Right, it's going to take a lot of determination, but what was interesting in the moment of her going through this battle is it was a visual of how many times that we're going through the test And there's things that we should leave behind, such as friends and this things right To get to that next level And we'll go back and reach back and pull it because it's an emotional attachment. But we don't know that sometimes we got to stand on our own two feet And so in that now it goes back for her friend in this battle And it was like, why would you go back? You can't go back. And then there she's, pleading, she's like, well, she's my friend And one of the kings says, yeah, but she has to begin and learn how to stand on her own two feet. And oh, my goodness, that was one Like we're going through that test And just showing the visual of how we're always trying to pull from the past. Well, it was. It was so much there. So they go and they're getting seen up from their battle And the woman king noticed that there is a mark on the back of her arm And she begins to ask her where is that? from What you know, and trying to get some history, she's like oh well, i'm an orphan And you can see that in that moment, by all of David's character is taken back like your, or so much so that now she's just like tell me a little bit more about you.

Speaker 2:

Things less fast forward in this scene. She's in the water and they have to take this bath and this hole in his woman king. And now he comes in and she begins to tell her this story. She tells her this story of how, when she was young and she was young, a young fighter, not a general at this time how he was pregnant and no one knew and she had to fight it. So many times we're pregnant with ideas that we have to fight. Let me just drop that right there. Right, we've met it from family, we've met it from friends. We might only tell one person, maybe it's only God knows Right. So she continues on with the story and she's just like that and I had to give birth. Well, i gave birth to a baby girl. I marked her, she said and I did something. So she goes on to tell her how he pulled out her knife and in the back of the baby's arm she marked her by putting a shark tooth back there. So she pulls out her knife and she begins to cut Nowie in present day to reveal the shark tooth Man. Nowie in that moment gets out because she's in complete, utter shock of like what's happening and what's being said And she runs off. I'm gonna come back to finish that scene, but let's just unpack that.

Speaker 2:

So often our parents marked us with things from their choices that we don't even know will affect us in present day. She had that mark on her that was on her whole life and didn't even know the history. It really was inside her. It was a part of her DNA And sometimes when we are in parents and we are mothering, we have to understand and look at who mothered us and some of the traumas that they had to go through and some of the choices that they had to make and what, and think about what is triggering us. I don't think that as parents and as moms, we give our mother's grace or we give our self grace. We are two different individuals on two different paths, with separate traumas that are so much so generational. That is embedded in our DNA.

Speaker 2:

The scene wraps with having this conversation with Maui about his faith and how that transpired. Now what was so beautiful is that in the movie she got a chance to say sorry, and I think for us, we get so caught up in a lot of the situations with our own parents and we're looking for them to say sorry for some choices that they were forced to make that then came on and dictated how we are with our kids. That hit home for me because this year I can say that in this moment it truly healed from what my biological mom did to me To be abandoned at such a young age I'm talking about age seven to be in a courtroom bathroom, see your mom walk in and she does not even acknowledge you. I never understood that moment until I had kids And I understood it now because how much pain she had to be in knowing that in that moment oh my gosh, y'all I'm getting emotional. In that moment she failed. What she considered to be a failure. What she was supposed to love and protect was being taken away from her, and the only thing she could do was hold in silence, because what can you say to a seven year old child that I could not possibly comprehend at that age? You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 2:

So I think, as we go through life you know, her birthday just passed this year And I honestly, you know, recognized today to be like, wow, you know, thanks, mom, because although she wasn't in my life, there has to be something in my DNA that enables me to do certain things. Me and her made very separate choices about life and how I would go about life. However, he was through me, right, her blood is still in my veins And all the dreams and things she probably, you know, even dream to accomplish, i'm accomplishing them, and so, for the first time, it is I don't have to hear her say sorry for me to actually forgive her for all those years that she was gone, because, even though she was back in my life at 22 and we had our first Thanksgiving together from 22 on, it still never really truly had a relationship with my mom, even though I tried. I think you know, looking at this movie and she, you know, she says I'm sorry, but what's powerful is nowy, you get to think that it's her fault that it even happened. She's like I'm sorry that I was pain, i'm sorry that I was a reminder And I think sometimes we forget that too is that as kids, we are a reminder, to a certain extent, of what was going on in their life when we was born, whether it was good or bad, and we have to accept those situations.

Speaker 2:

And so the next time you find yourself angry and feeling guilty or just feeling down on yourself, i just want you to have a little bit more self compassion for yourself and your mom and your parent who raised you, because at different times and everybody got impacted by this scene in the movie because it resembled so much of my life where you don't know this person, they come back in your life, but the difference was that she came back and she was able to embrace her and welcome her and say sorry. Sometimes, again, we're looking for those things. The strongest, most powerful thing that we could ever do was forgive, not saying that we will ever forget, but we can forgive. And that is a very transformative experience, especially because you wouldn't want your child to hold you, you know, like hold something against you, or a choice that you may at the time, which seemed like the best choice of that. You know what I mean. That was completely maybe out of your hands, but you thought was going to be beneficial.

Speaker 2:

I was looking on social media today and there was a speaker and she was talking about moving forward and not looking to the past, and she talked about the story in the Bible about Lot and his wife and how Lot's wife ends up being turned into a pillar of salt Because she looked bad And it wasn't the fact that it was the pillar of salt that got me.

Speaker 2:

I began to think about the representation of what pillar and salt is. When you think of salt, salt is it dissolves easily, it doesn't stand on principle, it has no foundation and it can just be washed away. And I wonder how many times we are holding onto a plot, situations that has made us so better in the inside that everything that we were dreaming for in the future, everything that we wanted to pursue, everything that we wanted to accomplish, gets dissolved and washed away because we're stuck right in that moment, because that's what a pillar is. A pillar is when you think of a pillar, it is solid, it is in one place. Sometimes we are looking back on past decisions and past traumas and we are stuck in a situation where we could have moved forward. We could have moved past it, we could have forgave, we could have made a decision to say, look, that was the past. It didn't work out.

Speaker 2:

Now it's time for me to move on, But instead we are like Lot's wife and we become a pillar of salt. I know that was a lot today, but that was really in my spirit to give y'all. I think we all deserve to live a very happy life, especially when we were. It's in the Bible Like God want us to be happy and joyful and fruitful. His will for us is so much greater than what we think it is, And sometimes I have to even remind myself that this right here is just a stepping stone to get me to the level where I want to be. But I gotta keep moving forward. I might not get the apology that I think I deserve, but I can forgive.

Speaker 2:

Forgiveness does not mean reconnection. That's just setting yourself free for any traumas that's trying to hold on to you as you propel forward. I love you guys. This was a good one for me. I hope it was good for you. The only tip that I would leave you for this week is take time this week in journal down some traumas that you're holding on to and pray over them and then release them. Just just let it go and start anew. Every day that you're awake You can start anew. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Let's get at this again next week. Well, that is the end of today's show. I hope you enjoyed it. If we're not connected on Instagram, which is my favorite place to hang out, be sure to stop by and say hi at martini mama's podcast Also. If you haven't done so, please follow, rate and review us. Higher ratings and higher reviews mean more dope moms can find us And I keep bringing you fresh mom content that matters Until next Thursday. Be blessed.