Refill with Reka | A place where Moms Thrive

How to master Boundaries and Prioritize Self when you are over New Years Resolutions

• Reka Leftridge

Share episode

In this episode, we will navigate the tricky waters of setting boundaries for our time and energy. It's a dance I've come to master, after facing my own moments of drowning in the demands of an ever-busy mom life. Together, we'll dissect the enlightening self-assessment from my church that zeros in on spiritual and financial wellness, and I'll share the gems gleaned from Rachel Rogers' "Plan Your Life Like a Millionaire" that promise to reshape our lifestyle to fit our dreams and pocketbook.

As we clink glasses in this ultimate mom's happy hour, let's celebrate the art of prioritizing what truly matters. We'll uncover the strength in saying no, the danger of digital comparison, and the liberating power of patience and discipline over fleeting motivation. It's about thriving in a confidence that's not solely ours, but one bestowed by a higher power. This episode is for every mother navigating the blend of parenting, career, and self-care, and it's brimming with encouragement to fill our cups to the brim and let them overflow.

Text me your favorite quote from the show!

Connect with me on Instagram at Martini Mamas Podcast.

Are you on the list: Join our Mama Mojo Weekly newsletter for a dose of inspiration delivered straight to your inbox.

Sign up now for our exclusive Imposter to Unstopabble freebie and unlock powerful tools to conquer self-doubt, and boost your confidence >>Get it now<<

Speaker 1:

Well, that is the end of today's show. I hope you enjoyed it. If we're not connected on Instagram, which is my favorite place to hang out, be sure to stop by and say hi at Martini Mama's podcast. Also, if you haven't done so, please follow, rate and review. Higher ratings and higher reviews mean more dope moms can find us and I keep bringing you fresh mom content that matters Until next Thursday. Be blessed.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to the Martini Mama's podcast. It is your girl, rika, and baby. It is all about the poor, both figuratively and literally. Today we're going to be talking about protecting our time and energy in this new year, and from different perspective, because I know, like you know, that sometimes we do it from a place of good and doing it from that place of good still leads to burnout. So we're going to be talking about some things that help us navigate that space this year. But before I get into that y'all, I'm just happy to be back on this mic with y'all. I hate it for real.

Speaker 1:

With everything going on from the crud, I didn't have a voice to my laptop. Going down trying to get my MacBook acclimated to like podcasting that garage bed, I was like Lord, help me, help myself. There's so much so that the files got corrupt. I was just like what's going on my sister was talking about. Oh well, you know that's what that retrograde is for. I'm like I don't even know what that means, but please send help. Everything was good, though. I hope you guys had an amazing new year. We always blow up the neighborhood with fireworks and it's such a good memory. I just love the laughter. I'm always making like mop tails for the kids and they just like really, really enjoy themselves. So this time this year we were able to have some family and friends over the house for the new year, which we hadn't had that in so long and one of our buddies came over and I remember just last year he was just talking about new things that he wanted to do and how hopefully he would be moving down here, and then that manifest itself and he was here for the new year, moved down here in a new house and everything. So it's good times and we'll get times.

Speaker 1:

Let's get into today's topic, right, and what really just brought this topic on was I don't do new year's resolutions, but I do set my intentions for the quarter, and I wanted to set my intentions on me being and getting better in certain areas for the new year. And I was Y10 Church, rock City Church, and what they had us do was do a self-assessment over the areas that we needed to focus our energy and our prayers in. And as I'm doing this assessment, it's just like a yes no type thing, right, it's nothing major. But at the end it counts all the numbers up for you and then it tells you hey, if you are, you know one to 10, you know you need to focus on this area, but if you're above a certain number, then you're good. And as I was doing this survey, I realized that man, like I am falling in an area that I know that I had my mind set on and my intentions set on before.

Speaker 1:

Have you ever been there Like you've set your intentions on I'm going to do better, I'm going to get better, and you do it for a little while and then something gets you off track and you can't even remember, like when you got off track, that was me and it was just eye-opening how, when you're relying on your own abilities, your own strengths, when you're not surrounding yourself around the right people, how hard it can be to hold yourself true to your goals, to things that you're trying to accomplish and achieve. And so, even though you may be doing some things and you may be doing a lot of things, but are you doing the right things? So, my, as I really just kind of again sat down and sat with this, I'm like how do I begin to set better boundaries in my spiritual health? How do I set better boundaries financially? Not that I like to overspend, but sometimes I'll be spending money like unnecessarily right, like let me go do this or let me go buy this. I am have a secret addiction to Pinterest, and which then leads me to XC. I don't know if that's somebody else's testimony, but between Etsy and Pinterest, your girl be down a rabbit hole bag. And so I want to do better in those areas, right. And so we're doing a 21 day fast, and in that fast is requiring us to do a few things, and one of those things was being intentional about our time, and so it's like I said, we're only on day two, which I am on the mic for day two to come, bless y'all. Because I was like I got to get back to doing my main thing and making my main thing be the main thing and stand consistent in my thing being the main thing. Are y'all with me, okay?

Speaker 1:

So over the weekend I read the book. Well, it's a new audio book by Rachel Rogers. It's a two hour book but it's called plan your life like a millionaire. And if you've read her book you've probably done a few of the exercises that she's asking you to do in this two hour planning session with her. But if you got to take your time, of course reading the book is like two hours, but actually planning it out, if you've never done, it will take a little bit longer. Let me just be transparent. So if you are an audible girl, an audible mama, check out, plan your life like a millionaire.

Speaker 1:

But can I give y'all some tidbits? Girl, get on in here. Let me just tell y'all the part about how much money my lifestyle requires. I'm like cool when she starts talking about and breaking down her calendar for time. I was like ooh, because then that lets me know like why I am inconsistent and a lot of areas of my life, and I just don't think that we ever take the time to attribute it to just our time management. We, you know we'll say, oh, we got to do this, but do you? Do you have to say yes, do you? I mean because, honestly, let's look at it, when we are saying yes to something, we're saying no to something as well, and so this year I want to get into prioritizing my yes and and for me, that is really going to have set in stone some non negotiables.

Speaker 1:

What are some things you absolutely need to protect, like is it time with your family? Is it yourself care? Is it your business? Is it making time and you meeting God in your secret place? Like what is the thing that you really need to put on your calendar and make it a non negotiable? Another thing she talked about was having extrovert and introvert times during the week. I was like girl, I've never just heard it that way, right. So introvert times times where you know that you want to take the meeting, you want to get cute, you want to be out and about and networking and doing all of the things you like to do. But some introvert times where you know you need to have that focus time maybe do some money generating activities, maybe focus on in some hobbies, maybe really get clear on where you're going in your career or profession, right, and sometimes in those introvert times, it's marking off your calendar where you don't take the meeting you don't, you know, have someone slide in and put a task on your plate, and you know, because that's that's a thing too.

Speaker 1:

We all have natural gifts and we have spiritual gifts. Our spiritual gifts to me is the thing that sometimes can lead us to burn out if we don't know how to manage your well, and so oftentimes my prayer is Lord, let me be of help and not a hindrance. Well, when I'm asking Lord, use me to be a help, I'm against the phone calls, right, but I can't be everyone and everything to everyone. I hope I said that right, because I'm not about to flip it in, reverse it but I can't be everything to everyone. And so I'm finding that, even though I am of help, let me be of help to the right people, people that it is gonna be not just beneficial to myself, beneficial to them, cause sometimes I think we try to, you know, get in where we fit in, and no, we, just, we should have set that play out. I'm just, I'm just being honest. And so I think another thing is actually communicating early and respectfully. That is a no, or redirecting them to someone else and not executing on the idea just because it came to mind, cause your girl will do that, like I'm the type of person I am such a creative that I will really just, oh, that's a great idea, let me do that. Oh, what about this? Let me do that when, sometimes, when ideals are coming to you, which is like my pastoral dairies like to say, which is spiritual financial currency that God gives us right, some of that should be pushed to the other person that you know it will serve them better than yourself. And really just taking a time to communicate your know, even when it's with the kids.

Speaker 1:

You know, the other day I had to tell my son I had told him about college and he's a senior and we were doing college applications and we were doing all of the things right. Well, no, I had gave him a task to get his list of colleges in the college board, understand what the requirements were. Tell me, make a list so we'll know what the application fees were gonna be the GPA, you know, sat standard, stuff that needed to be known, just so that he can educate himself. Well, he had two weeks on break to do that. Of course y'all, y'all know he didn't do it. Right, y'all know this Joker waited.

Speaker 1:

And so the week we get back in school and I'm like, hey, where's my list? He doesn't have it. I'm like, hey, so go ahead and put that cell phone on the banister. Because that's what happens you lose the distraction, you lose the electronic until you can produce what was asked of you, and so he puts the phone up there and then all of a sudden it becomes a priority on his plate, which then he walks downstairs and me being of help. Right, you know, I'm gonna help my kids. Now they're my babies. You know, my baby asking me for help. I'm gonna have to lean in to help my baby this year, absolutely not.

Speaker 1:

Not to say that I'm not going to help them. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I'm gonna help them at the right time, because this Joker came down here wanting help and then, guess what happened? My beans burning on the stove, because I'm on a laptop with him trying to show him and navigate and figure it out, and because of his poor piss planning, it became a priority for me when she put the ball back in my court, which, right then and there, it shouldn't have been a priority. And so, even though I know that I am gonna help him. I'm gonna help him at the right time where, again, it's mutually beneficial for both of us. Because I still got to get dinner cooked, I still, you know. So that's where I'm talking. What I'm talking about really communicating clearly and just saying hey, son, I can't do that right now. Mom can help you tomorrow when you come home from school. Mom can help you later on this evening after you clean up the kitchen, if you still wanna do it. I mean, there's so many ways that I could have handled it other than burning my beads. Okay, I digress.

Speaker 1:

The other thing is, I think, really setting boundaries with technology.

Speaker 1:

I was looking on my screen time at Instagram and I swear to you I thought I was doing a good job. Absolutely not the way I was waking up, heading on to the computer to do like, just scroll aimlessly, look at one thing and the next thing. You know you're sitting there for an hour and I'm like, yeah, this is not gonna work. And even she talks about it. How can you wanna be a millionaire, how can you want to create this legacy and this financial freedom when you're looking and keeping tabs on everybody else except for yourself, hello. And so I know for me, it is now taking the time to really be intentional with my technology time and really thinking about what are some things that I can get off my plate so that I can limit my time. So my excuse would be oh well, I got to make this Instagram post or I got a post on social media, right? And then I go in and post and if I open up my phone and something grabs my attention, guess what I'm doing. Y'all know what.

Speaker 1:

I'm doing, I'm hitting the next one, hitting the next one Next thing. You know I'm in a full thing of reels and just doing all of the things. And so this time around, starting this month, because I wanted again to be intentional, I started scheduling my post through the MetaBusiness Suite, where I'm not on Instagram, but I'm still accomplishing the same task and job and, honestly, when you can go ahead and do six posts at a time and have everything ready now, I have that time back, can go do what I wanna do.

Speaker 1:

I'm not sitting there having to scroll. And another area that I wanted to get better in was just my house key thing, right, Like I again wanted to do some remodeling around the house, just do some upgrades. But, girl, I can't upgrade if I'm constantly on this phone. I can't upgrade if I'm constantly just sitting on my laptop, and so really being intentional with my schedule is another thing that I said. You know what your girl gonna do? Better at that.

Speaker 1:

Lastly, before we move on, because I really wanted to talk about this, one last and it is practice saying no without guilt and without having someone else make you feel guilty, and what I last year? I would say yes to a lot of things because it was ego driven and because I didn't want to make them feel bad. Oh well, I have to go because they supported me at my van, and so I definitely got to go support them at their van, which it was spreading me thin. Or, oh, I have to go to this birthday party, or I have to go to this networking event. It's just a lot of things that was really just spreading me thin so much so that that's how I ended up getting sick and so, okay, I was going, going, going, going, going into wishing my voice you know that inside voice is telling me, girl, sit your butt down, Don't go there, Don't go do that. And I was like, yeah, I got to do it.

Speaker 2:

I already put it out there I would you know all of the things?

Speaker 1:

That's. That's what was happening. I was doing all of the things, but when you don't listen to the voice and you're not obedient to what God is telling you to do, he make it hurt. So because I wasn't obedient to sit down and my Medias boy sat down somewhere, girl, because I wasn't obedient to that, my immune system dropped low. I ended up getting sick and I didn't have a voice. I had a horrible cough, just it was like it wasn't COVID, but it was just a cold, but it was mixed with whatever kids they care could come. And y'all, that thing sat me down, so much so that we were having a.

Speaker 1:

The Delta's were having a premiere not a premiere, a private screening of the movie Color Purple. I invited my girlfriends I'm talking about y'all I invited my best girlfriends. Y'all want to go meet me there? We doing it. Here's your ticket, get your ticket.

Speaker 1:

And because I didn't listen, because I didn't do what I was supposed to do, I couldn't do what I wanted to do. I had to end up texting my girlfriends like y'all, I'm under the weather, I ain't gonna be able to show up Now, whoo. And I mean like I'm y'all started at like I want to say 630. We had to be there, shown was at 7, I'm texting at like 530. I'm acting like something miraculous is about to happen, like your girl gonna drink this green tea, it's gonna be alright. And I just felt so bad. I just wanted to go to sleep and my body was just like girl, go lay down. I sent the text and I wanted to lay down. So I would say that to you be obedient to the little voice that is telling you to do something. That's God, man, that's protection, and I think we get into these, these I don't want to say seasons, but we start buying into these societal norms of it's a new year, it's a new me, new year's resolutions. No, girl, you ain't even out of your old season yet. Like girl, you ain't even finished doing what God calls you to do and yellow like in the season that you're in and you're talking about new year's resolutions. And so, instead of new year's resolutions, let's go in, assess where we are and assess where we need to focus our energy.

Speaker 1:

I was listening to the Ed Milet podcast, which is a dope podcast. He does all things mindset. But I was listening to his podcast and I had a guest on. He said it's not about doing everything, it's about doing a few things great. And so if we can just take the time to do the little things great, we will be better off and achieving the big thing. And that is where I am at right now. And so, as I set my intentions on, you know, identifying my non-negotiables, communicating clearly whether it be my kids, you know, co-workers, whomever right, even friends, prioritizing my no without guilt, setting like healthy boundaries with technology.

Speaker 1:

Another thing let me say about about setting boundaries with technology is is that you don't get trapped in comparison mode, because that's what technology would do. It will have you believing that you are so far behind and you are not where you're supposed to be and you could be doing better in this area. And, girl, why aren't you doing this? And you get caught in that trap of trying to keep up with the hustle. That that's what leads to burn out and it also leads to imposter syndrome. It will have you thinking that you are inadequate, which, baby you are not. You are not. If we can do all of these things and start small and build a momentum, then we start seeing the progress like incrementally right, like we really do.

Speaker 1:

If I could give an analogy, this morning I was as I was filling up my water bottle. We have a filter system and it's a little spout right, and it, the spout, started off like heavy. I mean, like I'm like okay, good, good, good good, because I'm trying to make it out the house at a certain time so I can make it to the gym at a certain time. So, as I'm filling up my you know, my water bottle it's a probably about a one and a half, maybe two liter jug I'm filling up the water from the spout and then the spout begins to slow down and I'm like man. And so, even though it is still pouring into my jug, it is pouring.

Speaker 1:

You know, which was first had this like big, you know, momentum. It was just everything pouring into it is gradually, just almost about to go, and I'm like man. Isn't that how it is with us? The only problem is is that we're not patient enough to let the system reset itself so the poor can continue right, and so what we'll find ourselves doing is we'll get this momentum because it's the new year and we're going, going, going, going, going going, and then, when the motivation starts dwindling off, then we realize that the thing that keep you going is not motivation, is having patience and discipline to stay the course, it's having the wisdom to know, hey, I need to pause for a minute and and reset, you know, reassess.

Speaker 1:

I like that thing, just, I was like man. Thank you, holy Spirit, for this message, right? Because I think for me it was just truly a sign for me that, hey, you're going going, going, going, slow down a minute and it's all right to slow down. And I want to tell you that it's all right for you to slow down, girl. It like the phrase that's on Instagram right now, and it's just like the thing that's going to happen for you is still going to happen, even as you rest, even as you rest.

Speaker 1:

But when we understand that we are not the source, we're just the vessel man, we move, we move differently. Right, it's, it's man I'm oh so that my theme this year is I am heavy on thriving in the confidence not my own confidence, but confidence that God, whatever he has willed for me, I will come to pass. So, on that note, mama's, less raise a glass to priorities, hasn't ourselves and creating the lives that we truly deserve. Start small, be kind to yourself, celebrate your efforts. You deserve to be supported, be energized and be empowered in every area of your life.

Speaker 2:

That's better than a regular happy hour. How about an ultimate happy hour for moms? Martini Mama's podcast is a weekly hangout for modern mamas to discuss mama, hood, work, life balance, blended families and self care. So whether you're looking for advice, community or a new bestie, you are in the right place. Cheers.