Refill with Reka | A place where Moms Thrive

Celebrating Self-Love on the Path to Personal Fulfillment

• Reka Leftridge

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Let's raise a glass to the transformative journey of embracing self-love; it's a celebration not just for mothers but for anyone who's ever struggled to balance the demands of life with the need for personal fulfillment. I share my own reflections on the importance of cultivating self-compassion, challenging negative self-talk, and affirming our inherent worth. The conversation revolves around recognizing our resilience and learning from our experiences, rather than focusing on our imperfections. It’s a reminder that we deserve the same kindness and empathy we so effortlessly give to others, and I'm here to champion that mission alongside you.

Rediscovering lost passions and hobbies is like rekindling a romance with your own soul, and in this chat, I explain how the Four Square method can help bring that elusive work-life harmony into clearer view. I advocate for personal growth and routines that reinforce the necessity of investing in ourselves—for when we flourish, so too do the many dimensions of our lives. By prioritizing joy and self-improvement, we encourage one another to evolve into the best versions of ourselves continually. So, cozy up and listen in as we toast to the art of self-love and the beauty of living a life that's rich with passion, purpose, and a whole lot of heart.

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Speaker 1:

What's better than a regular happy hour? How about an ultimate happy hour for moms? Martini Mama's podcast is a weekly hangout for modern mamas to discuss mamma, hood, work-life balance, blended families and self-care. So whether you're looking for advice, community or a new bestie, you are in the right place. Cheers.

Speaker 2:

Welcome back to another episode of the Martini Mama's podcast. It's your girl, rika, and here it is all about the poor, both figuratively and literally. I hope you guys have had an amazing week. I know I have it. Just things have been just falling into place, so to speak, and that has been because I really have been being intentional with my time and really intentional with my piece too. Just learning to just rest. I think that's one of the things that I am learning this season that it is okay to rest, whereas before I think I would have felt guilty for taking a nap or I would have just tried to push through, but now that is not something that I'm doing.

Speaker 2:

Today's topic I wanted to talk about was embracing self-love as we discover our worth. Just with a hustle and bustle of just daily life with the kids and the job and just trying to be the gold-driven mama I know I am. I think it is very easy for us to forget the importance of just self-love. When we start thinking about self-love, we start thinking about the concept of self-worth. I think those two go hand-to-hand and it can be very transformative when we start acknowledging it as so right, and so I wanted today to give us five actionable ways that we could really go through this journey of embracing self-love while also recognizing the value that lies within us. And the first step of all steps, that is practicing self-compassion.

Speaker 2:

I was just doing a conference it was actually a retreat, a self-care retreat that I spoke at this past weekend and it was the breakthrough experience. And one of the things that she talked about was this story that we tell ourselves that is really a lie and this lie really prevent us from doing all the things that we say that we're gonna do. And I sat there and I thought, like it is, it is this internal dialogue that we have with ourselves that keeps us from doing the thing, and it's sort of us comparing ourselves to other people, not thinking we're good enough, we're worthy enough or that we just can do it. That, like imposter syndrome, sit in. But when we sit back and we began to check our resume and really look at all the things that we've done, it should cue us to say, girl, you don't know how to do it now, but you can learn how to do it because you've learned how to do all of these other things.

Speaker 2:

And so what does that begin with? It begins with having enough compassion with ourselves to start, and I think when we start thinking about self love, self love starts with self compassion. It's extending the same kindness and understanding and support that we give other people. Right, it's giving those things to ourselves. And why is it so hard for us to do that thing? Why is it so hard for us to give ourself grace?

Speaker 2:

A lot of times, people go well, what does it mean to give yourself grace? That means to forgive yourself the same way that you would forgive your child or your partner or your spouse. It is having this idea that it's okay to make the mistake. I'm learning and acknowledging at least I tried. I think. Once we begin to embrace the fact that perfection is an illusion and that mistakes are part of the human experience, only then do we thrive like for real.

Speaker 2:

And so, instead of having the harsh judgment, just really just sitting down and practicing self compassion by acknowledging our imperfections without losing sight of our words Like those two don't go hand to hand. Like your worth is not tied to the failure. It's not. I like to say it like this you know how you got like that best girlfriend and she calls you up and she's like girl. I can't believe I did this. Or, girl, I can't believe I let him do this to me again. Or, girl, I can't believe I'm doing this and you like, there's something that happened between y'all and you give that person empathy and you give her forgiveness. Give that inner child, that girl that's in you right now, give her that same empathy and forgiveness, right? So that's number one.

Speaker 2:

It is practicing self-compassion which leads to my other thing, which is number two identifying and challenging negative self-talk. Like this is something that I think, since retiring, I've had to battle over the years. It's just challenging the way I talk, because right now I know that we are in the season that our power are in our words and a lot of things that we're speaking, we're attracting, and it is, you know, we're bringing those things out because we're speaking those things. And so the way you talk to yourself, often self like, often shapes your self-perception. It really does, and so when you have negative self-talk it can be very insidious. It will basically chip away any self-esteem that you have, and when you begin to do this, there goes your self-worth, and so you have to begin to just talk to yourself like with love. And so now, lately I've been.

Speaker 2:

Every time that I have a negative thought, I instantly go I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, like that's my go-to thing, like I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, and I say that because it clicks me that everything that I'm going through it's okay. I'm going to get through this because I was made for this. I was made for this moment. And so the moment we take time to observe that internal dialogue whether you're uplifting yourself or you're like criticizing yourself just challenge it. Challenge it more. If you are loving on yourself and uplifting yourself, loving yourself more If you have a little bit of self-criticism, identify where that's coming from. And sometimes it's because we're scrolling social media and we go into the comparison mode. Or we see the friend getting a job, or we see the friend accomplishing things, and it's like what is meant for you will never miss you. Like when I start really settling on that, then it enabled me to not think about anybody else but myself. It's really stake in my lane.

Speaker 2:

Another thing when we were at this breakthrough experience the self-care retreat one of the things that I really loved that she did was she spread out these story cards and we had to go pick a card that spoke to us and then we had to narrate a story based on that card. And it's funny how, when you have to pick up a card, how your mind will instantly give the imagery, or the imagery will actually give the story. So if we begin to really sit and visualize what we are, who we are and where we want to go, our words will match that. We will begin to tell ourself that story. So, like, if you're visualizing yourself to be like this fat, you know, negative person, that is what you will spew. But if you can visualize yourself being a person of love and compassion and knowing that you are giving it all that you have, like what does that look like? Like who does that person look like, and you really change the story. And so for me, this year, I am challenging all negative thoughts. I'm making time to replace them weekly with positive affirmations and I'm also taking the time to recognize weekly by achievements, recognize the things that I was strong in, things I'm getting better in, and I'm taking it day by day. And when you start changing the narrative in your mind, you really start taking a careful step towards just embracing who you are.

Speaker 2:

It's self, love, self love is just that. It's all about self. I know you saw I don't know if you saw it, but I hope you did Nisi Nash, she was talking about self-esteem. It's not other-exteem, it's not they-exteem, it's self-esteem. And the same goes for love. It's not their love, our love, it is self-love. And when we began to walk in self-love and love on ourselves, we're able to love other people fully. Right, because it takes nothing from you to light somebody else's candle, but it takes everything in you to light your own candle.

Speaker 2:

Okay, oh, now that's leading me on to setting healthy boundaries. Y'all. Setting healthy boundaries is something that I think is a conversation that never gets old. It is a conversation that needs to always be had, especially as a mom. We always need to have this conversation, and it's because we're the worst at adhering to the boundaries, like we'll set them, but it's some non-negotiables that we need to put in place. So I think the reason why boundaries for moms get so hard is because we have this allegiance to our kids that we just want to give them the all and we want to give them the best, and there's nothing wrong with that, except when we're not giving ourselves that same type of love. You know and yes, I'm going to keep saying self-love, because that's what this topic is about today. It is about really having self-love and respecting our own needs and our limits and relationships and commitments.

Speaker 2:

Now, for me, I think I've had to really hone on this, especially like having four kids and with the spouse and just recognizing that it is okay for me not to be okay, it is okay for me to say no when necessary and it's definitely okay for me to prioritize my well-being. But I would be lying if I didn't think about the times where I felt guilty. There were times where, you know, waking up and even going to the gym, I will feel this need, like I got to hurry up and rush back and I'm like I don't know why I felt that guilt, but it's like if I'm not in the house or if I'm not present, then something is not going to happen. It just wasn't true and I think, again, it's that narrative in this story that we begin to tell ourselves about. You know how we take care of ourselves and just being okay with girl. Handle what you need to handle, don't do what you're going to do. These kids is going to be okay, the kids are going to be fed, the spouse is here, he can take care of things, and it's also we complain about not having support, but when we don't set the boundaries or put them in place, we don't give the other people around us to step up and support us.

Speaker 2:

We don't, we don't allow them to support us. And so I think, like when we're setting boundaries, it's not a sign of selfishness, right? It's not that. It's about creating and communicating the value and the respect that we have for ourselves. It's like your core values and not letting somebody run over you. And we, when we stop to really sit down and set these parameters around ourselves, even with our kids, we're teaching them what healthy relationship look like. We're teaching them and showing them. You have to take care of yourself, because if you don't, no one's coming to save you. Boo, like they're not. So we have to learn to self-advocate for ourselves, and by establishing these clear boundaries, you create a space for self-care, which is separate than self-love. Self-care is putting these actions in place where we can make sure that our mind, body and soul is taken care of and that our energy is directed towards the right activities and the right relationships that align with our values. All right, so since we're talking about aligning our values and activities.

Speaker 2:

Let's move on to number four. That is, scheduling your joy Engaging in things that truly bring you joy. When you are discovering your work, you will begin to start prioritizing activities that bring you genuine joy and fulfillment. I mean you will take time to explore hobbies and interests that really resonates with your soul. Now I have the mirror up here, which I love it, but oftentimes I like to go to the gym rather than work out at home, and I think that's because there's an energy in the gym. You know you get in a gym. Everybody's lifting weights, everybody's vibing. There's a different energy going through the place that it just hits you. The same goals for when you're really exploring your hobbies, exploring things that bring you joy, there's a different energy with that. I even, a few weeks back, took the time to go do yoga, which I've never done group yoga before. But even in that setting, with the sound bath, with just women, it was just a different energy that filled the room and I'm like man.

Speaker 2:

Once I left there, I was so refreshed, and that's what engaging in activities that bring you joy should do. It should bring, it should be something that brings you joy. When I spoke at this, the Breakthrough Workshop, this retreat this weekend, and we start going through the poor workshop which I like to give, I start asking the ladies like when was the last time you did a hobby that you loved? Right, and it was only one person in the room that was like I do my hobby Because my hobby is music, I enjoy music, I create music, and her gifts is making way for her, but no one was like man. It's been a long time since they really sat down and enjoyed a hobby, and so I challenge you this week what is a hobby that you used to love, love, love, love, love that you haven't done in a while? I challenge you to go either pursue that hobby again and see if it still interests you, or try something different and see what type of energy, what type of joy and fulfillment that it brings to you. Remember, when we start embracing self-love, we start actively seeking moments of joy. We're trying to incorporate those things daily in our life. So often we fill our life with like just work, work, work, work and we've got to pay bills and we've got to do all these things that we often are not balanced. So when we start talking about work-life balance, it's work-life harmony. When you are not pouring into yourself spiritually, mentally right, and your body is not healthy, you're going to feel all over the place. You really are.

Speaker 2:

If you want a quick exercise into like where you are right now, I like to do this thing called four square. You take a piece of paper, you write a big X on it across and it essentially should be four squares. In those four squares you're going to write me being one of them. Then home maybe it's family, slash, kids and business or cash in something of that nature. Right, for me it is home, my business, me and my passion. And then what you do is you start filling those boxes with everything that you do, right, what you do for home, what you do for family, what you do for self, what you do for the passion or the hobby, and if you can look in your me block and see all the things that's in there, and you start circling, things that relates to your mind, your body and your soul, and start categorizing and count them up. If you're only doing things like journaling and maybe reading a book, those things are your mental. What are you feeding your spiritual? What, if it's, you start saying, well, I work out and maybe that's the only thing you do, or you eat, well, that's your body. But what are you doing for your mental? What are you doing spiritually? So, essentially, you would want to feed in each of those buckets, because when you have that cup filled up, then you're able to pour into home, you're able to pour into your family, you're able to pour into your kids and you're able to really feel the joy you need to feel in those passions and hobbies. That's a quick exercise. Go ahead, try it out. Tag me if you do it, I want to see it. Or drop into the DMs or Martini Mama's podcast and let me know how it worked for you.

Speaker 2:

But remember your well-being is a priority. Joy is essential to just living a fulfilling life, like period, like I don't know how to express that more than more than how I have been right now, at this moment. And the last thing I would say invest in personal growth. Personal growth is a continuous journey. When we start embracing the self-love, it's really acknowledging your potential for growth. It's actively seeking opportunities to see the change and be the change that you want to be. It's investing in the time and energy to do the activities to contribute to that development. If it could be acquiring new skills, pursuing education, working on self-improvement, like your mindset, financial stability. By investing in personal growth, like, you're not only enhancing your capabilities but you're also reinforcing the idea that you're worthy of the effort that it takes to become the best version of you. If that don't make you want to do something, I don't know what it's going to make y'all Like. Lately this has been what I've been on.

Speaker 2:

It is really taking the time at the beginning of the month to get in a routine, to practice self-love and joy and doing all the things that brings me joy, but really investing in self and so self-love is not this one-time event. It is an ongoing journey, it is a self-discovery, but it is an acceptance of like everything that is in you made you who you are today. It requires you to be committed, it requires some mindfulness, but it also a genuine desire to recognize and celebrate your worth Right, like by really truly practicing self-compassion, challenging the negative self-talk, setting the healthy boundaries, engaging in activities that bring you joy, investing in personal growth, you're not only paving a way for a transformative journey towards a better you, but, baby, when you thrive, everything around you thrives Like. Use, your perspective, change, and so I hope that by listening today, it reminded you of some things that you need to challenge in yourself and that you can be honest with yourself and say I need to do better in this area, because that's what it was for me when I sat down and was like man. It's not enough for me to say I'm worthy God knows that I'm worthy Right, and by that I have to like take action. It's not enough to say I want to lose the weight. It's actually doing the things to lose the weight.

Speaker 2:

I was listening to I do like a morning devotional, and in the morning devotion it was like don't fall in love with the goal, fall in love with the routine, because then the results will come. And that's where I'm at right now. I am creating routines that I'm falling in love with and that by proxy the results. I'm going to be head over heels, and a lot of that had to do with my, just my faith and just really seeking God first and a lot of things instead of seeking the goal first. It's like is God telling me to do this or is this really ego driven? And so now is the time for me to do some checks and balances in that area and really to go further.

Speaker 2:

And y'all, when you start asking, asking God, like Lord, position me, your will, your way, nothing more, nothing less. Y'all be ready. Be ready for the phone calls, because sometimes how we're seeing ourselves as these grasshoppers, we're seeing ourselves and devaluing ourselves to being like, oh man, I don't know if I'm enough. Other people think you're enough. Other people are calling you, other people see the potential in you, other people value you. You're the only one that see yourself on this lower level and so, honestly, we have to sometimes step in that mirror and begin to speak. Those mirror truths, and those mirror truths are biblically sound based. Okay, I like to say that right, I like to say that God's word over me will not come back void, and so I'm going to take the time and really sit down and appreciate the journey and not just get so bombarded by the things that's coming with the journey, right, just really embracing it, just really breathing it in and making sure you're getting the lesson learned. So today we are raising our glass to self love because, baby, we're worth it.

Speaker 2:

I hope that you enjoy this episode. Please be sure to share it with a girlfriend who just need a little uplifting to say, girl, you got this and I got you Until next week, remember, it's all about the poor baby and don't forget to do it. Well, that is the end of today's show. I hope you enjoyed it. If we're not connected on Instagram, which is my favorite place to hang out, be sure to stop by and say hi at martini mama's podcast. Also, if you haven't done so, please follow, rate and review. Higher ratings and higher reviews mean more dope moms can find us and I keep bringing you fresh mom content. That matters until next Thursday. Be blessed.